Am I Enough?

Before I get started, I want to let you all know about a pen-pal exchange event hosted by Sophia over at tea stained adventures . If you are interested, head over there, fill out the form found there, and you will be paired with the appropriate pen pal! Especially during these times, it’s a great way to get connected with someone! She has some other really great stuff over there as well, so feel free to check that out too! Hope you all enjoy that!

Alright, let’s face it- we all have them. Those little voices in the back of our heads whispering that we aren’t enough. I’d be lying if I said those hadn’t taken over often.

There was a point a few months ago where I didn’t even want to get out of bed because I was so insecure about myself. I didn’t think I was nice enough, or pretty enough, or enough. I had just let go of a friend after working so hard to make the friendship work. And I completely blamed it on myself. I told myself that he hadn’t been there for me because I wasn’t enough. Because I was too clingy. Because I was too emotional. Because I didn’t fit the mold. I was so stuck in that rut that the only thing that kept me going was making lists of the things I had to do in a day and things I wanted to do in a day, so that I wouldn’t just stop. So that I always had something to do.

I’ve struggled with feeling like I’m not enough often. It hurt me for a long time. As people faded out of my life, or I argued with people, I blamed it on myself. For years, I blamed myself when someone who had been like a role model to me slipped out of my life. I thought it was because I hadn’t loved her enough, or I had loved her too much to the point that she couldn’t handle it anymore. When my best friend and I argued, I blamed it on myself for being too problematic, and not being a good enough friend.

It took me a few years to first- identify that that was actually what was I was feeling and second- to realize and figure out that it wasn’t always my fault. My “role model” leaving had absolutely nothing to do with me (I know that for sure now). My best friend and I arguing was both of us. It takes two to argue (and this is definitely not throwing her under the bus, please don’t take it that way) and while in some arguments, one of us deserved more blame than the other, we were both responsible for the arguments.

And it’s taken me a while to realize something else- maybe I’m not enough for the world. Maybe they want more than I can give them. And that’s okay. Whether or not I’m enough for the world, I’m definitely enough for God. I don’t have to redeem myself, or be blameless. I just need to believe that Jesus is God’s Son, and that He loved me enough to die and rise again for me. And I do. So I am enough. In the way that it really matters, I am enough. And no matter how long it’s taken for me to accept that… it’s true.

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