Just Friends- Possible or No?

Alright guys, this is something that I have been wanting to talk about for a while now, but wasn’t really sure how or when or all those sorts of things. So I’ve given some significant thought to it and decided to just go for it.

So for this post, I decided to give my perspectives, and then I got a guy’s perspective on it from one of my own guy friends. I also decided to get another girls perspective from one of my girl friends, so hers will also be in there. I would have liked to get another guys perspective, but the number of guy friends that I have that would be comfortable giving their opinions is a very small pool, so I had to stick with one. I’ll start out with my opinions and my perspectives, then I’ll put my girl friend’s, and then I will put my guy friend’s. (All perspectives will be from the first person perspective, rather than me telling you what they think).

So what is this post actually about? Well, I should probably tell you, shouldn’t I? This post is about friendships between guys and girls, and how they work, can they work, the pros and cons, etc. So without further ado, here we go!

And for reference, here are the questions that I asked:

“From your perspective, what are pros and cons to having girls/guys as friends, and is it possible to have girls/guys as friends and not think of them in a romantic way? Would you say that having girl/guy friends is easier than having guy/girl friends? Which would you say is more protective- guy friends or girl friends? Which would you say is more chill, and less dramatic? Which are generally more accepting of what you say and your opinions, and argue with you less? Who do you feel like is more genuine when you talk to them? Is there anything else that you feel would be relevant to say?”

These will be answered in various ways, and not necessarily in that exact order. These are also just our personal experiences with these things, so they are not universal, as I reiterate several times. Just because we say something from our experience doesn’t mean that every guy or girl is like that, so please don’t take it that way.

My Perspective:

So personally, I don’t have a ton of guy friends. I have had several over the years, but most of those friendships ended up falling through for various reasons. Any guy friends that I do still have, I’m not very close with. They are more like brothers that I mess around with, but aren’t necessarily people that I confide in, or have lots of conversations with. So this is all coming from the perspective of a person who has very little experience with guy friends. I’ll be the first to admit that I am no expert, but I do have at least a little bit of knowledge that I hope is helpful, or entertaining (?), or otherwise interesting.

There are several pros and cons to having guy friends. Guy friends are generally much less dramatic and there are much less “cat fights” with them. (This does NOT go for all guys, so don’t just assume that because he is a guy, he won’t cause drama- this is just my experience with most guys) This is something that probably appeals to me the most about having guy friends. I am naturally a very dramatic person, and having that friend to ground me and just kind of keep me in check when I am being a little crazy is really helpful and nice. That isn’t to say that a girl friend couldn’t give you that same thing, but coming from a girl, my first reaction is generally to sympathize rather than rationalize. Some cons to having guy friends is obviously that they are guys, and you can’t necessarily talk to them about the girly things, and such. You also can’t have the same sorts of get-togethers with them that you would have with girls. Something tells me braiding hair and painting nails isn’t exactly a guy’s thing. Additionally, there is always that little possibility when being friends with a guy that one of you will develop feelings for the other, while the other won’t. That can make for potentially awkward situations, and can end up ruining the relationship. That is probably one of the biggest cons to having guy friends.

In my opinion, it is possible to be friends with guys and not develop romantic feelings for them. Most of the guys that I talk to and I am friends with, I would never even dream of thinking of them that way. That isn’t to say that they couldn’t think of me that way, but at least on my end, I could never think of them in any sort of romantic way. So I think it is possible, but I believe that it would be something that you would have to be careful about. And I think at the beginning- or at least sometime towards the beginning- of the friendship, both people should make it clear that they are not looking for a romantic relationship in each other, and are purely there to be friends.

Personally, I don’t have a preference between guy or girl friends. My girl friends are the friends that I can mess around with, and scream, and be silly and dramatic- in a good way- with. They’re the ones that bring that sense of crazy into my life. My guy friends are the ones that I can be “physical” and more tough with. I am a very physical (some might call it playfully violent) person, so having someone that I can mess around with like that is personally just really nice for me. And I wouldn’t expect anything less from them. So personally, I think there are good aspects to having both guy and girl friends, and I wouldn’t necessarily say that I like one or the other better. I would probably say that guys are a little easier to keep a friendship with because in my experience, you don’t have to be talking to them all the time to still be friends. As a girl, I personally tend to think that if I’m not talking to someone often, our relationship is not as strong. But guys generally don’t think that way- from my experience- so it’s easier to maintain a friendship with them.

For me, it definitely depends on who the person is, and whether they are more or less protective. It doesn’t necessarily depends on gender. I have some veryyy protective girl friends, who would do almost anything to protect me, and I have some guy friends who would only step in if they felt it was absolutely necessary. I also have some guy friends who would protect me no matter what, and some girl friends who would prefer to just let me handle it. That’s nothing against any of them, that’s just who they are, and just their personality. Speaking as a girl, I am a VERY protective person, and would protect my friends and family, no matter what the problem is, and I know that a lot of my girl friends are like that as well.  So personally, when it comes to my friends at least, I would say that how protective the person is depends on who they are and what their personality is, not necessarily their gender.

I definitely think that my guy friends are more chill. Some of them can be a little dramatic, but it’s usually not a bad drama, it is more of a silly drama. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my girl friends and all the drama that they bring my life (I honestly probably bring more drama to theirs than they do to mine). And let me clarify- when I say drama, I mean like being dramatic, and a little crazy. Not like bad, fighting, gossip drama necessarily. Anyway, I would definitely say that in my experience, my guy friends are more chill, and calm down my drama a little, whereas my girl friends will usually freak out with me.

Generally, in my experience, both my guy and girl friends are fairly accepting of my opinions. I would say that the guy friends that I do have- specifically the one that I am close with- usually will challenge me to talk through my opinions a little more, even if they do agree with them. Most of my girl friends will talk them through with me, but won’t necessarily challenge them and make me think them through as thoroughly.

I would honestly probably say that I have had good, genuine conversations with both my guy and girl friends, and that it really depends more on their personality than their gender. I have a lot of close girl friends, and I feel like almost all of my conversations with them have been genuine, but I also just don’t have as many guy friends, so I can’t necessarily say that I have more genuine conversations with one or the other.

Alright, I think that that is all I have to say! My section will most likely be the largest, because I went reallyyyy in depth, so don’t worry, you are basically past the worst part ?. Now onto everyone else’s perspectives!

My Girl Friend’s Perspective:  

Okay well first I think guys being the opposite gender is a con, not in a sexist sort of way, but you can do more such as sleepovers, dress shopping, shopping in general and stuff and it would be hard to do with guys because some would not be interested because they are another gender. But I think it would be awesome to have a levelheaded guy friend who can give me more of an honest perspective on life. I think too often girls sugar coat things because we usually are more sensitive and get easily offended with each other. Guys can be prideful and more immature than girls, which as a girl can be frustrating to deal with but also at other times brings a lot of laughter. I think this question is hard though, because I do not want to stereotype any guys, this is just from my perspective of some guys and girls. Guys also just see things from a different perspective, with them usually being more easy going and less dramatic.

I think it is very doable to have guy friends and not think of them in a romantic sort of way, but I also think you will see characteristics in a lot of guys you meet that will make you think, I want that. But in my opinion that doesn’t mean that you like them in a romantic sense.

From my experience, girl friends are easier, but there are some guys I know I think I could become better friends with than some of my girl friends, but the stereotypes of guys and girls talking makes that hard. But if I got the chance to get to know the guys like I do my girl friends, I think that guys could definitely be easier to be friends with.

Okay girls are easily more protective in my opinion and guys are more chill. I think because girls tend to be more sensitive they also tend to overreact more making them more protective but I also think if something serious were to happen guys would become protective quickly.

It really just depends on who. Like I said I am not close with a lot of the people I’d consider my “guy friends” but they can be more accepting and less judgmental of me. That could just as easily be flipped, though, so I cannot pick for this one because I think it’s personality and gender put together.  

Once again it just depends on who, but girls are more genuine in the sense that they are easier to get to talk about their true emotions, but guys are more genuine sometimes in giving advice and listening to you. Girls tend to think through things more which make their advice more watered down or sugarcoated. So, like I said before, girls sensitivity can cause them to be less genuine at times.

Just one more guys! You are almost there!

My Guy Friend’s Perspective:

Well, guys and girls have different roles, both as friends and children of God. Women tend to be more genuine and caring and guys tend to be more work focused. However, I think when guys and girls interact with each other, there is a lot of good convos that happen because girls are willing to listen and guys know they will not gossip.

If you are asking if I think guys should have girls as friends and vice versa it is a definite yes. We were made for community with each other. Guys tend to not talk to each other about painful topics because they wanna be tough for the boys. And girls don’t wanna talk to girls ab painful stuff because they don’t wanna be gossiped about.

As far as protective, Christian men are called to protect the women (not like a knight in shining armor, but as a man) from guys who will treat them ill and not giving them false perceptions. But girls are also to protect guys minds and hearts with things like dressing modestly and not leading them on. There’s different roles and I would say girls would rather be fake nice than real mean, and guys would rather be fake mean than real nice.

I think there’s more genuine talk between a guy and a girl than a guy and a guy or a girl and a girl. But guys also gotta be open with each other and girls gotta be open with each other.

Okay, guys, that’s it! If you made it this far, I am so proud of you, because it was a lot! I hope that it was interesting, and educating for you, and made you think through some things! Have a wonderful and safe day!